The Offensive Reality

{September 4, 2009}   Parental Advisory

What is up with you people now-a-days? And by “you people” I mean anyone in contact with children, in any way, shape or form. Where to begin on this one? I’ve got a head full of thoughts here.

First and foremost, I am a parent. I love being a parent. It’s all I ever really wanted. Even when they are screaming full glass breaking squeals and throwing Matchbox cars at each other, making me want to rip every strand of my hair out, or start up a severe drinking binge, I love my kids. I couldn’t imagine not havin them. But something seems to happen in people’s heads when a child comes into the picture, even strangers. If a child registers on their radar, it’s like there is this instant little click in their heads, telling them how to react.

What gets me is the sheer stupidity that seems to seep out of some people when this happens. Lets start with the ones least influential on the little one, Strangers. I understand it can be completely frustrating, when you are out, minding your own business, and someone’s “unruly” child starts acting up. I’ve been there. I have kids, and can attest to the fact that other peoples kids can make my skin crawl. But I keep it too myself. I don’t shoot dirty looks, or “tsk” at them or make comments about the parents. Here’s the deal: You don’t have a damn clue what that person’s situation it. I have been in this place myself, as well. I’ve wanted to leave the store crying because my toddlers were having meltdowns in the grocery store. But I have to get the things I need, and I have to do it alone. That person you are so angry at for letting their horrible child loose in Walmart, could be some single mom whose husband beat her, and left her, and now this is what she is left to deal with. ON HER OWN. Children’s emotions are not something you can just control. Especially toddlers. They DON’T know any better. They are still learning. Hell, it’s hard enough controlling my own damn emotions, let alone my two year olds. Recently I read a story on Mom Logic about this older man who slapped someone else’s child. They were in Walmart and the little two year was crying. The man walks over and threatens the woman to “shut her up” or he would. And when the child could not be calmed, he walked back up to the child and slapped her several times across the face. I know. Appalling right? And do you know what was just as appalling? The outrageous comments on that page from some of the readers. They support what the man did, and even lay blame on the victims. So here is my word on children in public: Unless you see that child in some sort of danger, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!! Go home, bitch to yourself. Vent on your blog. Leave the people in peace.

Now, on to the Parents. What the hell goes through your heads?! Did you loose braincells along with all your afterbirth? Lets start with the ones who like to be the “cool” parents. You say your quirky little remarks, act like you just don’t care, and basically put on this big show of how laid back you are. And if this is an act, maybe you shouldn’t have had children. I was reading on the same parent site yesterday about a mother who “hates” her children. Now granted, I believe this was all written with exaggeration for an attempt at humor. I don’t really believe that the woman hates her kids. But by trying to be that cool parent who writes what she thought was witty, she inadvertently puts down her children. I think that shows poor parental judgment. You really want to prove my point on these kinds of parents, just read up on The Octomom.

Next we get into the “Open Our Mouths Before We Think” Parents. These are the parents who have to find fault in every little thing in life, and why their child should not be exposed to it, why it is in violation of their children’s rights, and blah, blah, blah. There are honest to God situations that come up that you have a right to open your mouths. Bullying. There is a good one. Especially when the damn school board wont do anything to protect your child. Or your child finally has had enough, and defends himself, and he gets in trouble. Charge in there! Defend him. He deserves to know you stand behind him. But, if it is something that say, the school is teaching, shut your damn mouths. You enrolled your child in that school. If you don’t like what is going on, put them some place else. I feel when you make the choice to put your child somewhere, it is like signing one of those “Terms of Agreement” contracts. You choose to follow those rules, or the contract is null and void. I’m sick of seeing this. For instance, recently a school bad teacher got into trouble for creating a cute little tee shirt about the evolution of instruments. He used the classic picture of Darwin’s apes turning into man. And people went nuts because it was against religion. (Before you start tearing me apart about religious beliefs, know this:  This is NOT about religion. It is about parenting. I’m only using this instance as an example. ( Come on people. Common sense. Your child is in a public school. Religion as you’ve seen is shunned here. If you don’t want your child to know about Evolution, put them in a private Christian school, or into homeschooling. Teach them Creation yourself, and if you set a good example in what you believe, they will follow your footsteps. When did this become others responsibilities?

Okay, so how about these “plastic bubble” parents?! You know them. They are the “you can’t go to the playground, there might be germs” type parents. Have you ever heard the song “A Different World” by Bucky Covington? Go listen to it. I’ll wait. That is the world I grew up in. I lived. I’m healthy. I tend to think I’m “normal.” My children have a right to grow up the same. I mean okay, I’m not going to smoke and drink while I’m pregnant like in the song, but you get the point.
I was amused, and slightly sad for the little girl in the piece I read yesterday on a mom who won’t let her child attend sleepovers.  Her big worries: TPing houses, crank calling boys, and playing with a Ouija Board. Come on, even TPing someone’s house is harmless, even if it is annoying. It’s TOILET PAPER! Children are growing up to be big annoying crybabies who think they should be handed things. Spoiled, and sheltered. How about this now, where all kids make a team? Please! I got cut. A lOT. It didn’t damage my self imagine. I learned about disappointment, and that if I really wanted something I had to work hard to get it.

Of course I shouldn’t even have to touch on the issue of the last kind of parent. The one who is abusive, neglectful, or just plain doesn’t care. If anyone feels these people have a case to argue, well, maybe you should join them in jumping off a cliff somewhere.

The only thing I want to add here is the “My life is so perfect, I’m the perfect Suzy Homemaker even though everyone thinks I’m on drugs because I’m so fucking happy all the time”!  You know these types… The ones that make parenting look like a damn cakewalk.  These are the parents that never once raised a voice or hand to their child and they had the perfect children that didn’t have colic and slept through the night on day one.  (and if you actually believe that bullshit, you need to also lay off the crack pipe along with them).  I’m sorry but parenting in this world will never be this perfect and if you can give me proof otherwise I will personally video tape an apology to you (but your proof better be in video format with time stamps and medical histories stating you didn’t have postpartum depression ever) The only family more annoying than these types is the Clearver’s (Leave it to Beaver)!

You can stop the act, we see right through your “perfect” life.  Its okay you can admit that you secretly had thoughts of wanting to smack your child for talking back to you or something similar to that… IT’S NORMAL! IT’S OKAY!


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