The Offensive Reality











{September 12, 2009}   I’m not a victim… I’m a SURVIVOR

WARNING: THIS IS A LONG POST BUT VERY MUCH WORTH IT!

I’ve been hearing a lot of disturbing things coming my way lately. And they have a lot to do with an extremely touchy subject with me. That would be Domestic Violence.

WTF is wrong people, who sit there and turn the blame around on the victims?! I’ve heard the statements “well maybe she deserved it,” “maybe if she hadn’t done that,” “she was stupid enough to go back,” and my favorite “well, maybe if she’d not have gotten herself into this in the first place…” Are you fucking kidding me?! Let’s break this down a little.

We now live in a society where the actual criminal has more legal right than the victim. They take all sorts of pictures, take him away in handcuffs, recommend you go to the hospital, and then out the door they head, with a simple pitiful look your direction. The next day, he is out on bail, with a simple “stay away” slap on the wrist, until the so-called hearing transpires. So the victim is left in fear. Because a temporary PFA, an actual PFA, or even a warning from the police is no security measure. Yeah, it is a consequence. But it isn’t stopping the bastard from walking right back in there and doing worse. This is one reason “she is stupid enough to go back.” He shows up, he threatens her. Or, even worse, he shows up, breaks down crying, telling her he is so sorry, he is going to get help, he can change, blah fucking blah. Yeah. Oh he will. He’ll get worse.

Or, the battered woman has no support system to help her out of this. She can turn to no one. And of course, some of you dipshits are going to say that she can go to the shelter, friends, family, the law. She isn’t thinking that. She’s afraid for anyone to know. The bruises are hidden. Why do you think she is wearing long sleeves in the dead of summer? That scarf isn’t just because it is in style. Being abused doesn’t just damage your outside. You feel like you are nothing. Like you deserve nothing. You can’t get anything better, so you best not lose what you have, even if it is killing you. And on top of it, it WASN’T always like this. So when you say “she shouldn’t have gotten herself into this in the first place,” remember that if he’d punched on their first date, there probably wouldn’t have been a second. There was love, at least on her part. There were good times. Those are freakin amazing, and hard to let go of. Even when they become few and far between, you know they were still there. You believe, they have to still be there.

Now, say that the woman is able to move forward, and push the trial, and push for the law to help. I’ve got news for you: the system doesn’t care. Oh, they tell you they do. They promise you he wont see the light of day for what he did to you. You are safe. Look at Rihanna. Chris Brown got probation and community service. He cried how he didn’t know he was doing this. It runs in his family. He was so sorry, because he loves her so much. Bullshit. They get a slap on the wrist, and maybe 6 months. A PFA is just a piece of paper, and now-a-days, people seem to be putting them on each other just in revenge. That weakens our system. Then those who really need them are looked down upon. I know two different innocent men right now who are having their lives raked over the coals at the wims of two psyco ex-girlfriends, and a power hungry judge and D.A. And I know some overly guilty men out there walking free, terrorizing their exes because the system has just seen it too much.

Open your eyes people!!! Become AWARE! TEACH your children, your family, your friends. Teach your WORLD. Change it.

And to those of you who say “maybe she deserved it.” Watch out. Because if that is how you are thinking, you are red flagged. You probably are an abuser, or on your way to being one. Perhaps you should save humanity a little integrity and take a walk off a cliff. Preferably with a lot of rocks at the bottom.

If you haven’t figured it out from my view points, I am a domestic violence SURVIVOR. I am not going to tell you my “story”on here. I live it every night in my head. But I want people to learn from it. I am not a victim. I have my victim days. I am lucky. I have a huge support system. But I’m still fighting. I am a SURVIVOR.
_____________________________________________________

I’m also a survivor and OffensiveChris’s story and mine are different.  Domestic violence comes in many many forms: verbal, sexual and physical.  I’m also not going to tell my story today.  I was going to link to a video by a popular youtuber but I decided against it for two reasons. One, why should I give him more views and two, I don’t feel like being the person that sends people to his video to verbally abuse him.  I posted a comment to his video when I saw it, and instead of having others that agreed with me I had people telling me to “Fuck off” and that I was “a dumb cunt”.  I let these comments roll off my back because in my life, I have been called a lot worse by people that were not behind a computer.  I didn’t post the comment because I dislike the youtuber, but because I just really felt offended by his statement.  I know he is there to get shock value and I should have just let his comment also roll down my back, but in the heat of the moment I couldn’t help myself.  To this day, I still watch his videos and have no hard feelings towards him.

So instead of that video, I’m going to give you some inspirational quotes and poems that I have used in the past in my other blog in case you happen to be one of those people stuck in an abusive relationship and don’t have anyone else to turn too.  Remember Chris and I were both there.  I lived in the abuse shelters and went to the domestic violence meetings.  We know where you are and where you need to be to get help!

I’ve learned (unknown author)
I’ve learned-
you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I’ve learned –
it’s taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I’ve learned –
you should always leave loved ones
with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned –
you can keep going
long after you think you can’t.
I’ve learned –
we are responsible for what we do
regardless of how we feel
I’ve learned –
either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I’ve learned –
regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.
I’ve learned –
heroes are the people

who do what had to be done,
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned –
money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I’ve learned –
my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I’ve learned –
sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you’re down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned –
sometimes when I’m angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me
the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned –
true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
same goes for true love.
I’ve learned –
just because someone doesn’t love
you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean
they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned –
maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you’ve had
and what you’ve learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned –
no matter how good a friend is,
he/she is going to hurt you

every once in a while
and
you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned –
it isn’t always enough to be
forgiven by others.
sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself
I’ve learned –
no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned –
our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned –
just because two people argue.
it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other
and just because they don’t argue,
it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned –
we don’t have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned –
you shouldn’t be so eager
to find out a secret.
it could change your life
forever.
I’ve learned –
two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally
different.
I’ve learned –
your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned –
even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help
I’ve learned –
credentials on the wall

do not
make you a decent human being
I’ve learned –
the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.
_____________________________________________________

20 ways to love yourself (unknown author)

~Do go with your instincts and follow your heart.  You will feel good about yourself when you are doing what feels right inside.
~Don’t be lazy about your health and appearance.  The effort you put into eating well and exercising will pay off. 
~Comfort a friend.  Try to cheer them up .  When you are focused on their problems, yours will seem smaller
~Do find your strengths and talents (everyone has some) and make the most of them!
~Don’t be so desperate to have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you use someone you don’t care about to let them use you.  No one feels good in a relationship that lacks caring.
~Do take responsibility for yourself
~Don’t assume that others know or “should know” your needs and desires.  Say what you want.
~Do set goals for yourself that you can achieve-with effort-in the near future.
~Don’t waste energy worrying about things you can’t control.  Accepting what you can’t change frees up energy to take control in other aspects of your life.
~Do hang with positive people who respect themselves and others.
~Don’t forget to smile, even when you feel bad.  Others will smile back at you
~Do something you are good at.  Congratulate yourself for doing it well
~Do connect with someone you care about.  Feeling connected feels good.
~Do create something.  Bake cookies, draw a picture.  Making something happen says, “world, I was here today” and that feels good.
~Do write a journal.  Put those jumbled thoughts and feelings down on paper. Suddenly what seemed confusing becomes much clearer, and you feel better.
~Do clean up a mess. Creating order out of chaos gives you a feeling of control.
~Do someone a favor.  Helping others feels good
~Help out in your neighborhood. Even small efforts to make your world a better place can pay off in good feelings about yourself.
~Challenge yourself. Take pride in your accomplishments
~SING! It is impossible to feel bad about yourself when you are singing even if you can’t carry a tune. SING LOUDLY!!!!

________________________________________

AFFIRMATIONS (unknown author)

1. I am loved because I deserve to be loved.
2. I forgive myself for hurting others, and I forgive others for hurting me.
3. I will accept love.
4. I will surround myself with love and kindness.
5. I am capable of change.
6. I love and approve of myself.
7. I am going to be the best ME that I can be.
8. The past has no power over me.
9. Learn from the past, don’t live there
10.Truth is the unchangeable part of me.
11. Stand up for what you believe
12. I am going to be my own person and resist anyone who tries to stop me.
13. You get treated the way you teach people to treat you.
14. The world will not limit my happiness.
15. Nothing will change in my life if I don’t do something different from what I have been doing.
16. There is no way to happiness… Happiness is the way.
17. What other people think of me is totally up to them.
18. The choice is always mine
19. People will not always understand me.
20. I always have options.
21. Learn from the past; don’t live there
22. I will make each moment a pleasant one
23. I am what I choose to be.
24. Success is a journey, not a destination

25. The past has no power over me.
26. I deserve the best and I accept it now.
27. Truth is the unchangeable part of me
28. The most effective teacher in the world is behavior.
29. Make every moment of your life something to appreciate.
30. Love me for what I am, not what you want me to be.
31. If you don’t forgive then you will be the oly person to suffer.
32. Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
33. I AM MY OWN BEST FRIEND

______________________________________

Autobiography in 5 short chapters
By Portia Nelson

I
I walk down the street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.  I fall in.  I am lost…. I am helpless.  It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out

II
I walk down the same street.  There is a deep hole i the sidewalk.  I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.  I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the street.  There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.  I still fall in… it’s a habit, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.  It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

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[…] I’m not a victim… I’m a SURVIVOR « The Offensive Reality theoffensivereality.wordpress.com/2009/09/12/im-not-a-victim-im-a-survivor – view page – cached Tags: affirmations, cruel, domestic violence, friendship, fuck off, hitting, kids, love, maturity, men, Phil Defranco, physical abuse, Portia Nelson, purple ribbon, relationship, sexual abuse, survivor, sxephill, verbal abuse, violence, women, youtube — From the page […]



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