The Offensive Reality











{May 3, 2010}   Douchebag 101: Introduction to the Ghetneck

By: Chrissa

Gentlemen, welcome to class. Today we are going to discuss the proper way to pick up just one of those lovely little http://minista.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/douchebag.jpgladies in your sights. So you’ve decided that these little girls no longer do it for you, and you’d like to try your hand at a real woman. This class is here to show you the proper way at achieving the Ghetneck Douche bag Status.
What is a Ghetneck?  Simple enough you must follow this creed: Talk like a G, live like a redneck. Follow these simple rules, and you should pass with flying colors.

  1. You absolutely must purchase and wear at all times your infamous Ghetneck Glasses. All Ghetneck Glasses come hoe tinted, so all the ladies look like gullible trailer trash, just like you like them.
  2. Forget how to spell. We love it when you use words like “wat” “luv” and anything else that says you just don’t care what people think. Fuck real school. Life is too fun to be stuck in a classroom.
  3. Impress her with all your redneck doings. Suggest she should be out watching the races with you instead of reading a good book.
  4. Tell her how impressed you are with everything she does, including raising her kids on her own. Make sure she knows how strong you think she is, even though you just met her.
  5. Stalk her on line pages. Stare at her pictures, and let her know you are doing this. Tell her how wonderful hers are, and whine how horrible yours are.
  6. Do not forget to let her randomly know she is a hottie.
  7. If you happen to see anything that might show she is a domestic violence survivor, bring it up. Let her know how much you hate men that do that. Let her know you’d kill them for her. Because that is all she wants. Someone else willing to end the violence, with violence.
  8. Tell her she needs a guy in her life. That will make it all better.
  9. Ignore or completely not notice all her little hints. The more oblivious you are to her intentions, or lack of, the better you will fare.

Now that you have this list of rules, let me give you an example of how your very first conversation should go. Pay strict attention to the spelling. Again, this is important when wooing said lady.

A General Conversation

9:17am You:
hi, how are you? I see you live in “various small town” I lived there when I was little

9:18am You:
you look so fimilar

9:18am Lovely Lady:
I’m not bad. You? I’ve lived here on and off for most of my life.

9:20am You:
That is cool wat out in the country.. I’am good just came back from Richmond

9:21am Lovely Lady:
I don’t mind the country, but I am ready for a change.

9:22am You:
lol too lonley there. I have talk to you before just not sure where

9:24am Lovely Lady:
I used to work in at “various restaurant: and then “bar name”. Maybe there.

9:25am You:
that is it.. how is life.. I thought you seemed like a sweet girl

9:28am Lovely Lady:
lol thank you. life isn’t bad. just always the same. You?

9:29am You:
it has been a bumpy ride for me that is for sure.. You seem so down

9:36am Lovely Lady:
Eh, not really. Just fed up with small town. I have alot of good around me.

9:39am You:
glad to hear that.. What all do you do for fun?

9:39am Lovely Lady:
Hiking, yoga, and karate

9:40am You:
you like to be active then me too.. I love to go to alot of different places

9:42am Lovely Lady:
I don’t get to go a lot of places, because my kids are always with me.

9:43am You:
I understand that it is tough to plan things and you are probally very busy withth them.. Are you a single mother?

9:46am Lovely Lady:
yes. just me and my boys here

9:47am You:
I have alot of respect for girls like you.. I don’t know how you do it..

9:49am Lovely Lady:
You just do it. No other choice. I can’t be one of those project type mothers that leave their kids behind while they party.

9:50am You:
lol you are right about that.. There is alot that are like that

9:53am Lovely Lady:
Until I get a job, I don’t even go out. My rules. I can’t live like that.

9:53am You:
you sound like a perfict mother.. I like that..

9:57am You:
the econmy is tough now girl

9:57am Lovely Lady:
it is. So I just worry about getting the boys through it.

9:58am You:
it has to get better sometime soon

10:00am Lovely Lady:
Working on that. With the help of my Sensei and his wife.

10:00am You:
where do you take karote at

10:04am You:
sorry not the best at this hope I’am doing ok

10:09am Lovely Lady:
its okay, I had a phone call
I study at “various Martial Arts School”

10:10am You:
that is cool.. how long have you been doing that?

10:12am You:
you are very cute

10:13am Lovely Lady:
lol Thanks. I’ve been studying over a year. It’s become an obsession.

10:15am You:
does it relax you? your pictures are very nice… mine suck

10:18am Lovely Lady:
Karate relaxes me, and winds me up. I’m bound and determined to rise through the ranks there. With my pics, I just get bored a lot here and play with the camera.

10:19am You:
lol they are nice.. did you look at mine
that is great don’t ever give up

10:22am Lovely Lady:
I haven’t been off my page yet, with phone calls and kid stuff. I have a hard time surfing the net. I’ll get there.

10:23am You:
I know the web can be a pain sometimes

10:27am Lovely Lady:
I get caught up on tech stuff on line, and news blogs. Then I forget about fb and all that

10:28am You:
lol you are on line alot? it is nice to talk to you

10:29am Lovely Lady:
I have it up all day as I’m doing things. It’ll say I’m on line, but I may not be near the computer.

10:30am You:
I see.. I want to get one of those phones that you can do the web on

10:31am Lovely Lady:
I want a smartphone. But that is because I want to be able to surf when I am not at home.

10:32am You:
same here dear.. I just came back from Richmond for the nascar race

10:36am Lovely Lady:
I don’t pay much attention to sports, although I’ve been to races, including Richmont.
*Richmond

10:37am You:
that is cool I go to alot of them.. I understand why you wouldn’t pay attention to sports

10:39am You:
hottie

10:41am Lovely Lady:
well, I am more of a nerd. I like SciFi and geek movies. I read a lot. I like to be involved in physical activity. I just do not sit and watch it.

10:42am You:
lol I’am the same. don’t read much need to do that more. love scary movies

10:44am Lovely Lady:
I like horror, but I can’t watch it alot because of the boys. I read a lot. Books, comics. Anything geek related.

10:45am You:
lol I don;t think you are a Geek.. they say oppisites attract

10:46am Lovely Lady:
I am a geek and proud. Lol

10:46am You:
you are very smart

10:48am Lovely Lady:
I just have an interest in smart things.

10:49am You:
I like that

10:50am Lovely Lady:
I’d like to leave this area. Find something that stimulates my mind a bit more.

10:51am You:
me too.. I want to go to Flordia I think or anywhere

10:52am Lovely Lady:
Not me, I want LA.

10:52am You:
LA would be good to girl

10:55am Lovely Lady:
Warm weather, a lot of opportunities.

10:56am You:
yes.. there is there.. do you like to talk to me>
?

10:57am Lovely Lady:
Sure. I like meeting new people.

10:58am You:
me too it is fun

10:59am You:
you just seem like someone I want to get to know better

11:05am Lovely Lady:
I spend a lot of time talking on line, but outside of it, I am not away from kids. Hazard of being a single unemployed mom.

11:05am You:
you need a guy maybe in your life?

11:08am Lovely Lady:
Haha, I don’t know about that. I do not date right now.

11:09am You:
may I ask why

11:10am Lovely Lady:
Just trying to learn to do it on my own, before I add anyone else in it. I’m a single, unemployed mother who came out of a really bad relationship 2 years ago.

11:11am You:
aww so sorry to hear that.. abusive suks

11:12am Lovely Lady:
yep. Hence the karate starting.

11:13am You:
that is fucking wrong I get so pissed about that.. you should never put your hands on a women..

11:14am Lovely Lady:
Well, and no one will again.

11:15am You:
I would have killed him for that..

11:16am Lovely Lady:
yeah well, I’m well protected now.

11:18am You:
I have to go be on a little

11:21am You is offline.

11:35am You:
talk to you latr
later

So there you have it. Just follow this example, and you are on your way to being a Douchebag Ghetneck.

~Seriously Ladies and Gentlemen, does this fucking shit work on any real people?!! I think I need to go take a hot shower, and find a stiff drink.
___________________________________________________

By: Lori

I’ll let you in on a little secret, gentlemen…  You want to get in my pants?  Get in my head.

I have a thing for geeks.  There is a reason for that.  They aren’t afraid to let me see their big, huge INTELLECTS.  I suppose that there are women out there who fall for the Ghetneck.  I am not one of them.  I like my men smart.  I like them funny.  I like them on the sarcastic side.  And let’s face it, good sarcasm is hard to accomplish if you don’t have the brains to back it up.

If a man can tickle my curiosity and make me think?  Let’s just say that there is a higher than average chance that he’ll get to tickle other things and make me… uh, yeah.

https://i0.wp.com/api.ning.com/files/axR6cah2nweuWjrEHPRtT0Aji*KdkS*5nDRqavQxUmY_/intelligence.jpgI’m not asking that a guy be a genius.  I’m asking for a conversation.  One that is two-sided and one where it doesn’t seem like all you’re doing is paying lip service (or type service) to what I’m saying so that you can interject clever quips like, “did u look at my pics”.  No woman wants a know-it-all, or a guy that is going to look down their noses at us.  But if a guy can’t even carry on the simplest of conversations without making it clear there is an ulterior motive, then for fuck sake, just don’t bother me.

If I’m someone that you think you want to get to know, you’ll do something more than hit me up with a “whassup” and a “wat u wearin”.  Otherwise my likely reply will be “STFU & GFY”.

You want me to think about you?  Make me think.

Intelligence.
I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Mmm…  Now we’re talking.

___________________________________________________

By: Femaleprodigy

You would think by this time, I wouldn’t have anything to add to Lori and Chrissa’s posts… Ye’ of little faith my small minded little douchebag Ghetnecks!

To really make that little lady of yours feel special, make sure to make her feel like a piece of meat.  Make sure to check out her ass and tits at any given moment when you are with her and make sure to talk about tits and ass when you are not with them.  If you are with them and would really like to kick it up a notch, you can smack her ass and grab her tits at any given moment.  No time is a bad time to do this!

While washing dishes… SMACK HER ASS
While taking a shower… reach around the shower curtain and grab her tits
While grocery shopping… Smack her ass and grab her tits!

See, there is never a time when you should feel this is inappropriate.

*ughhh*

Sometimes I wonder if men really think this is a great way to pick up women.  Or is it only around here? NO, it can’t be.  I spoke to an individual that doesn’t live around here and actually lives on the opposite coast and he said that men  there act this way too.  When did it become common practice to act this way to try and pick up a woman.

Do you actually think that 85% of us fall for this bullshit?  (Yes, there are those 15% that really will fall for it, but that percentage is usually an exception and I won’t even try to explain who they are).  Get with the program gentlemen… We want mature men who can stimulate our minds as well as our bodies! I think from the sample conversation above, my IQ dropped.  I suddenly feel drool coming out of my mouth as I sit here with a stupid look on my face going DUHHHH!!

Chrissarella – You can also find Chrissa on her other blog at A little Wicked

Loripop326 – You can also find Lori on her blog at Oh, Shit… She’s awake

Femaleprodigy – You can also find Femaleprodigy on her blog at Random Jess

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